Energy Overload

Lynda: I have always been able to feel what others internal feelings are and I have no clue what to do with it. Now I have found others who have the same problems and I feel less insane than before because I am not the only one. So, last night was the worst because I was with a lot of people at the theatre play for school. My friend Mikki is going through a lot of crap with her ex boyfriend Shae and this guy she likes named Skyler. I feel her pain and misery, Shae's suicidal feelings and hurt, Skylers confusion and like for Mikki, and then my parents anger and pain. I feel as though I have lost my own sense of feeling and I just don't know what to do with it all. When I am alone I feel completely numb. Then with guys it's even worse because how am I supposed to know if I am feeling what they are feeling or what I am feeling. Last night I know I was feeling what this guy was feeling because I like this other guy, I think. But last night I thought I liked T because he likes me. Today now that I am alone, I realize that I do not like T, because I like J. J likes me too. This is all so confusing and I don't have a clue what to do with it all. I am begging for help. Sincerely and Thankfully.
Nicky

Nicky: It's easy to get caught up in feeling all the emotions in the world because we can. I remember when I discovered that just because I can feel something, doesn't mean I have to remain caught up in the energy. I can step out. I can distract myself. When I realized how much more amazing life was when I learned to be the compassionate witness -- not enmeshed -- rather than swimming around in the murky emotions of others. I can sense what I choose to sense and I don't have to do anything about it. Love and relationships are confusing enough without the added layer of reading emotions and energy over-stimulation. You might need to take a break from guys for a while so you can re-set your own personal boundaries. One way you can tell if a particular energy is helpful to you is by noticing if it feels good in your body or bad. If it feels bad, it's no help to you. Shift your attention to a good feeling. Use your imagination to create a positive feeling state and wallow in that one until you feel better. Remember, the way to keep the energy of others from overwhelming you is to ground yourself and fill yourself up so completely from the inside out with healthy and good energy that you simply overflow on everyone and everything around you. If you are saturating all your personal space with good vibes, there simply isn't any room for the opposite. Things will get better with practice.
Lynda

Mind Communication

Lynda: Can a psychic vampire speak to your mind, without words? My next question, and I know I have to make this choice by myself. And right now I'm not ready, but when I am. How do I break the ties with him. Believe me I know he's bad for me. And he's not mine. And I know he never will be. But right now I'm happier than I have ever been. And I'm not ready to say good bye. Thank you so much for all your help.

Everyone has different skills and abilities. Expanded communication is not unusual and is experienced by most people. The problem with someone "speaking in your mind" is that usually that comes with some control tendencies. It takes both of you to give permission in order for those kinds of communications to occur. He isn't doing it to you. You're both in the dance. Unfortunately, whatever we try to push away simply gets stronger/bigger. When you are ready to let go of this person you already perceive as not good for you, you'll have to find something healthy to replace the negative addiction. Distract yourself with more positive, uplifting things. Change the attraction focus of your personal magnet. Best wishes.
Lynda

Time to Allow Yourself to Receive

Dear Lynda: I'm currently living with family in Texas, but I'm originally from California. I was laid off from my job and am unemployed and basically starting from scratch again, since I sold most of my possessions to start over in a foreign country and it didn't work out. I've been back in the U.S. for 6 months now, looking for work here in Texas (near Austin) and also enjoying the break from work due to unemployment. Haven't yet found the right job and now that winter's approaching, the job market seems to be even slower. Maybe I just have to wait for the right thing to come along, but am not sure how long my unemployment funds will last.I've been deliberating about what my next move should be. I have a friend named Helen in California who would like me to return there and share her home which is in a mobile home park in Rohnert Park and find work there, share expenses (which she claims would be quite low), etc. I'm a California girl for sure, but am not sure it's the best place for me right now - partly because the job market there seems worse than here in Texas at this point. Also because I'm not sure how compatible Helen and I would be as room-mates and am not sure I want to leave my beloved pets that I brought here to Texas prior to leaving for Europe and the comfort of being with my brother, even if his views and belief system aren't completely in alignment with mine. I have adjusted to being here and feel comforted to be with family during these turbulent times, but I must admit I'm uncertain whether this could work out long-term either. My brother and his wife are older and living in a retirement community. I rent a room from them and we split our expenses 3-ways. So I'm wondering, first of all, whether my unemployment benefits will in fact be extended the end of this month (as I believe they may be) since the ones I have are running out. And I'm also wondering whether it would be best for me to stay put here in Texas and whether I am more likely to find work here, so that I can hopefully continue paying off the large debt I now have and possibly meet a life partner at some point. Or, whether it would be best for me to try out living with Helen in California even though I have concerns (even about astro-cartographical influences) there. Thank you so much for your response.
Raechel

Dear Raechel: Nice to hear from you again. This really isn't a bad time for you at all, from what I can see. Help is coming soon in many forms, including money (which may be the extended benefits). I think you should stay put for a while. California doesn't seem like a good decision to me for the next year at least. The energy around you is very fertile and rich. I think several interesting/good things are about to manifest. Use the skills you have to calm your mind and imagine the feelings you wish to experience in yourself. As you imagine those good feelings, you invite them closer. I see nothing that indicates you need to make any quick changes. Imagine receiving the good you desire. Sincerely, all appears well.
Lynda

Love Confusion

Dear Lynda: I hope you can help with my love situation. I met my boyfriend on the porch. He was walking by and just said that I was pretty. The next day we got to know each other, and before I knew it we were dating and we became a couple. We shared everyday together. He picked me up when I came home from school, and we were always together. We introduced each other to each of our families and just had a connection. We had so much in common and we related to each other a lot. He told me everything. Even the deep dark secrets that he hasn't even told his father or previous girlfriends and I did the same. He was not at all afraid to call me his girlfriend and did not even look at anyone else because we were together everyday from 2:00 to 12:00. As soon as the end of June hit he first explained that he needed to spend time with his friend and I already knew this was true, because I asked his dad (I know, sneaky). After, his grandmother died and then he didn't want to be bothered. He started drinking and gave up on life (until someone convinced him). In the meantime this other boy likes me and cannot leave me alone and kissed me on my neck and he got upset. He broke up with me because of the boy and because he had "issues" now he forgave me because of the boy, he just has issues. He recently told me that he didn't need a girlfriend for a year because so much stuff is happening and he doesn't want me to feel neglected, but he still wants to hang out. I recently talked to him and he said he got drunk and had sex with another girl and I forgave him but told him he had another chance. I was talking to my mother for advice and she told me that basically that he was covering up and he already found someone else and that he didn't want me anymore. So I told him that we just don't need to be together and I asked him what he thought and he said that he doesn't want me with anyone else, and that he still is madly in love with me and doesn't care what people say (my mother). He says that he would get with me right now but it's too hard for him, and he doesn't know how to feel (about the situation of his grandmother dying and other issues). He said that he can't let me go and will not love another girl, and I talked to "outside resources" and they told me he doesn't even talk to other girls he just hangs with his friends. I love him too much to let him go and he feels the same. Something in my heart is telling me that he is the one, and my heart just will not say no other, nothing in my head is preventing that. He even told me that he always thinks about me, and frequently dreams about me. What should I do? Is he deceiving me or is he really telling the truth? Are we meant to be? Please give me answers I am desperate! Thank you very much for listening.
Alicia

Dear Alicia: This seems like a pretty intense and dramatic situation. It is normal for us to have lots of relationships when we are young. I don't think we're truly capable of making serious life decisions about mates, etc., until we are at least in our late 20s. See if you can shift your attention from males to thinking about who you are and who you want to be. I know it's easy to get caught up in relationship upheavals, but think about exploring what might happen if you change your focus. Your friend seems very confused and, like most young people, he doesn't know what he wants yet. Concentrate on yourself and your life and let the rest unfold naturally.
Lynda

Wondering

Hi Lynda: I read your book, The Vampire Shrink, and I thought it was wonderful, because I could really relate to the characters since I have been known to interpret or understand peoples' emotions. Sometimes it feels like they're predictable or I can read through them. So, congratulations about that. The other thing is, well, it happened about a month ago or so. There's this guy I met six or seven years ago. He really made an impression on me since it's kind of hard for me to actually relate or connect with someone. I developed a crush on him, and even though I never told him, I still appeared in his life on a couple of occasions, with bad timing of course. The thing is, about a month ago, I was having one of my mood swings (last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar II) and had a hunch, so I wrote him an e-mail telling him how wonderful I thought he was, how I didn't expect him to get back to me or anything. I just wanted him to know that. Soon after, he sent me an e-mail on my birthday (May 12th) which is actually the same date as his, then we went out for coffee. I had the most amazing feeling around him, like something was really right. We could really talk. He was even as surprised as I was to find someone so similar yet, so different. I felt something there. The thing is, even though he said repeatedly that we should do it again, during the times I've spoken with him, he never asked me out again. I know he felt what I felt. I haven't heard from him in two weeks and I'm leaving my country for a couple of months. I just want to know what happened? Why if he felt the connection I felt, he won't even show interest in us being friends? I just want closure and to get over this overwhelming crush that's been haunting me for the past 6 years. I'd really appreciate your answer.
The Wonderer

Dear Wonderer: First, thanks so much for the kind words about my book. I'm happy you enjoyed it! I wish I had better news for you. I think this is a case of misinterpretation of information. I'm sure you felt all the things you mentioned, and you clearly sense something about this person that attracts you, but that doesn't mean your interpretation is accurate. We often believe, because we have a strong reaction to someone (positive or negative), that the feeling itself has meaning regarding our connection with that individual. I suspect the person you're talking about isn't looking for the same level of intensity you're seeking. I'm afraid I'm getting a rather large "no" about an ongoing relationship with this person. Perhaps it's time to shift your focus and to concentrate on making yourself as healthy, centered and satisfied as you can. Then allow the best mate for you to be attracted by what/who you are. I'm crossing my fingers that you'll open the other doors that are cracked open for you.
Lynda

Turn The Page

Hi Lynda: My BF and I have been together for 3 yrs. I am 29 and he is 30. A few weeks ago, before he went away on an army exercise, he told me he wants a break to be alone as he never has been, to grow up and learn to appreciate me and his family. That he doubts he will ever find someone as compatible as me and that there is always hope for the future and that he does love me but the timing is wrong as with everything in his life. Because he is on exercise, he is uncontactable. I had arranged before he left to come over when he gets back. He said when telling me the above that I could still come over and we can go stay somewhere. He also said that he plans on us at least staying friends. My question is do you think he really does still love me or has he maybe found someone else (he swears blind he isn't even interested in finding another or going out and picking up)? and that he will still let me come over. If it is over I need the closure and I want to have a great weekend with good memories to at least solidify our friendship. I feel this man is my soul mate and that we are inextricably linked together and would love to grow old with him and hope that one day we will cross paths again if the timing isn't right now. I haven't heard from him since he left and his last msg as he went out of range said "I can't talk to you as we are going straight to the bay. I know you love me and you want to be together. You don't need to tell me that. I will try to ring you asap. I am not sure when that may be tho." It has been 2 weeks since then. And even tho I know he is out of range doubt is starting to creep into my thoughts and I am worried he will not call. Do you think he will? Thank you so much for any insight you may be able to share.
Fearful

Dear Fearful: I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but I think he told you very clearly how things are for him. Trying to hold on to someone who is no longer invested in a relationship is an exercise in futility. Here's the truth: love has nothing to do with clinging and being attached. Love is effortless. Love is joyful. Just love him in your heart, regardless of whether he contacts you or not. Let go of needing a particular outcome. Your email was very fearful and I understand how frightened you are. But I also know that fear is the opposite of love. And it's impossible to control another person. No matter how hard we try. I do think the two of you will be in contact again and I don't get a sense that he's deceiving you. I think he was very truthful with you. And, I think he's hoping to have other experiences in his life before he finally settles down. He does not feel the same way about the relationship that you do. Being friends is great if both parties really want that. If one party still wants it to be more, true friendship can't really happen. See if you can find other things in your life to give attention to. Stop fretting and being upset about him. You know that old saying (paraphrasing), "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Turn to the next page in your book and write something new. There is actually a wonderful surprise involving another person in your future.
Hugs, Lynda

Seeking The Full Banquet

Hi Lynda: First, thanks for all your great advice. This blog is a real comfort! I was wondering what you could tell me about this man I've been involved with on and off for about three years. Our most recent break-up was the worst and left us not speaking. He travels for work and is away a lot. The strange thing is, I feel like I know when he comes to town. I get anxious, sometimes I get depressed for no reason, or I just start picturing him with me a lot. I wonder if my mind is just all tied up with what he's doing and he's oblivious to me, or we are continuing to fight on some psychic stage. I really feel like I'm moving on (even dating) until he comes around and then I start imagining that it was all these grand things that it probably wasn't. What is going on?
Questioner

Dear Questioner:
I believe it's normal for us to use our expanded senses. I'm often surprised by the fact that -- in this day and age -- we still don't understand that we are more than what we can cognitively explain. It is very common for us to get addicted to -- overly attached -- to another individual for one unhealthy reason or another. Sensing that person isn't unusual. I think we get confused because we clearly perceive an unconscious connection with the person, but we get hung up in the ways we attempt to explain/interpret what we sense. Simply because we "pick up" things from a person doesn't mean anything in particular beyond that. Keep in mind that you must have your psychic "radio station" tuned to that person's frequency in order for you to spend so much time sensing him. If you don't wish to live his life instead of your own, change your station. Sincerely. Turn your focus to what you'd rather have, rather than what was/is, and watch your life change for the better. If you find that difficult, perhaps you could work with a local counselor to discover why you'd rather re-experience "crumbs" rather than seek out a full banquet. Keep me posted.
Lynda

Inching Forward

Hi Lynda: I don't really know what to do with myself. I'm 26, I've had a thousand jobs, been to college, currently attend University and will need to reenter the workforce soon. I seem to hate everything. I have no friends and I have alienated all of my roommates. I have sought help professionally about clinical depression and personality disorders but the problem seems to be something idiotic and unchangeable about me. I can't think of things to say to people, I can't think of anything to do with my life. When I look at my life it seems like it's always been going in this direction. My face looks like it couldn't lead any other life. I rarely smile, I'm quick to anger, over-sensitive and mean without even realizing. Basically, it seems hopeless and I've tried everything. I really do try. I don't even know what you can tell me. I'm sure you will say it isn't as hopeless as it feels. I always have epiphanies about where my future lies and have some faith for some time, but I've been disappointed so many times by myself and everybody else that I'm just really tired of having hope that leads nowhere and a life that may be rich with experience but lacking in substance or wisdom. I don't want pity, I just want to know if you have any idea what I should do next. Maybe you get a feeling or something.
Thanks, Lorelei

Dear Lorelei: You already know there are usually no easy answers. Your email reminds me of a client I saw the other day at the community mental health center I work for. She not only has a couple of intense mental health diagnoses, but she also has a few budding physical problems and many, many bad mental habits, acquired through years of self-hatred and self-medicating. She wasn't a happy camper at the end of our session. I suspect she was hoping for the magic pill. I certainly wish such a thing existed. I gave her good advice, and I hope she makes another appointment. But I'm familiar with situations like yours -- both from listening to clients and from my own experiences. If you're willing to take a multi-modal approach and tiny baby steps, change can happen. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but it can be a challenging process to find the right psych meds at the right dosage. In the meantime, your brain chemistry pendulum swings wildly from one side to the other. When that happens, it's tempting to give up. To just surrender to the darkness and hopelessness. As I've written about before, HSPs (highly sensitive persons) aren't marching to the same drummer as most others. Please go to your local library and see if they have any books on the topic. Or go to your closest book store. You'll find yourself in those pages. You can also read the article on my website (www.lyndahilburn.com). It's likely you're sensitive to everything: sounds, lights, people, energy, sugar, caffeine, useless carbs in general, and your hormones will need to be monitored. Also, we don't truly begin to inhabit our bodies and get a grip on our desires until we navigate the ages 27-33. You're on the entry ramp. I can look at your tarot cards and see lots of difficulty. But that's useless information. At any moment, you can change your magnetic focus. Is it easy? Probably not. Can you inch your way there. Absolutely. Please find a great therapist to work with in your area and give yourself the time it will take to get better. Seriously. Keep me posted.
Lynda

Stuck

Hello, Lynda: We met about 6 years ago as I was contemplating hypnotherapy courses and I have recently stumbled upon your website. Congratulations on your books! While I feel that I've been moving forward in my development in many ways, in other ways I have felt and still feel stuck. I am a 42-year-old woman and it seems that I'm having a difficult time finding my place in this world. I am clear on my interests, I know myself pretty well, and overall feel quite good about who I am. My financial situation has been a major struggle and while I feel I have uncovered my gifts, it seems like I have yet to come to a place where my gifts and interests can generate income. I am having trouble finding a way through this and feel as if I'm going in circles, uncertain of what to focus upon or which direction to go towards. I am also finding it difficult to find a mate. I have been divorced for 12 years with some very good relationships and I while I'm quite good at being alone, I would very much would like to find a life partner but I'm having trouble finding someone who feels like a fit. I met someone some years ago who I felt very powerful feelings of love for but he was not in a good place in his life, so I stepped away from the relationship but find myself with regret for letting go of what felt like a destiny. What energies seem to be at play in my life this year and what advice can you offer? Thank you very much for your time.
L in Lafayette

Dear L: Thanks for your kind words about my books. I appreciate it. I'm sorry things are so hard. When we're in the midst of one of those times, they seem endless and frustrating. As difficult as it can be (but it doesn't have to be difficult -- the difficulty is a belief we often don't even consciously know we have), you'll need to practice distracting yourself from noticing your current situation. As you well know, if we're looking at what was or what is, all we can attract is more of the same. We often believe we ARE focused on things we can say "yes" to, but it turns out we focus there for one second, then go back to noticing how things "really" are. As the delightful Esther Hicks says, "which drum are you beating?"

This is a wonderful year for you to begin planting seeds (and it's almost spring!!) of desires. Then take baby steps, moving relentlessly toward every form of joy you can imagine. Remember that the brain/mind doesn't know the difference between something observed and something imagined, so it will begin to attract what you focus on. That's such a powerful tool we often disregard. There seems to be confusion -- ideas that aren't in alignment with your larger dream. I find that when we don't know what to do, it's best to do nothing. Go inside. Get back in touch with the vision that makes your heart smile. When action is appropriate, your deeper wisdom will nudge you in that direction. The only thing holding you back are thoughts (and repeated thoughts that have morphed into beliefs). Things really start to move positively for you in June of this year, and by August (if you're courageous and step outside your fears), something marvelous will happen. Now is the time to set your sights high and to write a list of things you can do to further your goals. Which do you choose? Love or fear?
Best, Lynda

Change of job? Location?

Dear Lynda: I'm writing a question, hoping for counsel. My spouse and I both want desperately out of our current jobs/location and are hoping this is the year despite the horrible economy. Is there a move and job change coming for us before the fall? There are a couple of dream job possibilities but I'm almost afraid to hope too much due to past disappointments.

I really felt this was the year but then things tanked economically and the hiring season in our field is beginning to slip away. I'm usually very intuitive except when it comes to myself so its rather frustrating. There have been a few good things about this job but we'd like to be closer to family, and spiritually I feel adrift.

My current position is difficult on many levels, negative energy, difficult colleagues, limitations, uncomfortable location etc. I've tried to find a spiritual community where I could further develop my own empathic abilities but I have seemed to hit a wall in our current location. I'm hoping a move will enable me to make connections in a spiritual community and bring new life to my creative life as well. One of the dream job possibilities I mention above would only be for my husband and would require me to leave my current career path and hope I could cobble something together. So it's a little unnerving despite the opportunity to get out of where we are at present. I guess my question is multi-faceted: will we be making a job change before fall, will we be able to sell the house, will I have to change my career (if so, in what way?) and will I find a place to grow spiritually? Many Thanks and Blessings,
Hopeful

Dear Hopeful: I think it's pretty common that we're not as intuitive about ourselves. Too much psychological/psychic dust obscuring the lens. It's much easier to feel/sense things about others. Since your future is in your hands (choices, beliefs, decisions, fears, etc.) I'm not able to give you a clear indication of exactly WHAT will happen before fall, but something is coming. Something desirable. October seems positively meaningful. And it seems to benefit both partners, rather than only your husband. But before the good appears, there's some unpleasant energy. So, with that in mind, I advise you continue downsizing your lifestyle -- to think about what material things you can let go of. It's so liberating to release unnecessary objects. There will be a disappointment -- but don't get stuck there -- and then a happy surprise.

I know you are aware of this already, but spirituality is an inside job. Certainly, some communities are more involved in various forms of exploration, but where you live shouldn't hinder your personal deepening in any way. Remember that we must BECOME what we desire and then we find ourselves attracting/magnetizing evidence which is in alignment with those decisions/choices. Take care that you don't get so attached to pushing away "what is" that you forget to joyfully anticipate what you prefer. You can't have it both ways.

Give little credibility to the talk of economic ruin. As I've heard often lately, there is opportunity in difficulties -- if you choose to focus there. I feel good about you.
Lynda

First Love

Hello Lynda: I don't write this easily, because I don't usually ask for help, but I need some clarification. I am married (for the past 5 years) to a man I respect and do love. Our sex life has never been as exciting as I had with my first love 23 years earlier.

That first love (who is married with 2 children) and I meet every 6 months or so (sometimes more than that). We go for dinner, etc. and then we ultimately end up having fabulous sex . . . better than anything . . . passionate. We love to kiss and just get as close to each other as possible. I don't even feel guilty because there is something about him as a person that I really truly and profoundly love. I probably love him more than my husband, and I therefore don't even think it's wrong! Which is really bizarre since I try to have character and ethics in everything I do. I haven't and don't like a lot of men but he has always had an "all-consuming" effect on me. But at the same time, I don't agree with a lot of things or ways he has handled his life and realize that I would probably (still a question though) have been unhappy in a marriage with him.

I slept with him last night. It was wonderful. I miss him this morning but would never tell him or text him or anything to make it more emotional, to be fair to his family and mine. I kind of dust myself off and go on.

When I dated him 23 years earlier it was a very passionate relationship. I saw him all the time and we also fought a lot in a passionate way. My parents did not really think he was right for me and basically put an end to it. I tried to do the right thing because I respected them (and still do).

I don't even know what I want to hear from you but I guess it's just, "how do I get him out of my deepest heart"? What lesson about myself do I need to hear???
Respectfully,
The one and only

Dear TO&O: It doesn't sound like he's going to be vacating your "deepest heart" any time soon. I think your experience is an example of the complexity of human relationships. I believe human situations are subjective. Despite arguments with various philosophy professors in college, I have never been convinced that there are absolutes in the world. I think there are things we are still in the process of understanding (laws of the universe, etc.). Relationships -- especially love/romantic/sexual ones -- are capable of exhibiting unlimited layers. Your decision, I believe, isn't about an ideal of right and wrong. It's about personal ethics. You allowed your parents to make a decision for you about your relationship with this man, and there's no need to second-guess that choice: it's over and done with. But now you need to own your choices -- to be responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions. If you and your first love have discussed this issue (and if you haven't, that is your next step), and have decided to remain with your current spouses, while still continuing an ongoing, emotional connection, then your task is to be fully present in all aspects of your life. When you're with your husband, be fully present. Stay in the now. Love with all your heart. When you're with your lover, enjoy that time with no expectations. The question is: can you do that? If you can't, you have a hard decision to make. Once again, every situation is unique and subjective. In my world, there are no easy answers. You might want to explore how grounded and healthy your beliefs are about love and romance.
Lynda